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My father’s death when I was 7 yrs old
– I was terrified. Death is a scary thing.
My school mate who died at 17 yrs old
– I was crushed. Life is unfair. Only the good guys die young.
My mother’s unexpected death when I was 32 years old
– It is very painful but what can we do? Life is like that.
My parents-in-law’s deaths at 70 yrs and 80 yrs respectively
– Old people have to die. So they die.
By then, I have become a seasoned ‘mourner’. People live, people die. We still have to cope. Life goes on.
I just asked my atm.
“Are you going to re-marry if I die now?”
If my mom is around, she would washed my mouth with clorox and dettol plus fan me with all the gold and silver papers to drive away the crow’s mouth. But she isn’t around to smack my cheeks for being the harbinger of bad luck. (Chinese do not talk about death. It is considered very unlucky.)
Of course, my atm did not pay attention to me. I enjoyed teasing him. With my current mood, I love talking about the unthinkable.
I prodded on, “No lah,I think you better don’t marry anymore. See? you got two white hairs liao, afterwards some SYT cheated you off your EPF. Oh no! your EPF!!!! Cannot lah, I don’t want to die yet. I am going to make sure I spend and enjoy every sen of your huge EPF savings first.”
Just for kicks, I reminded him what I often remind him. “Should I die before I get to travel to Switzerland, make sure you scatter my ashes over the Swiss Alps.” (I had by-passed Switzerland once when I was travelling from Paris to Milan on a train in 1998. I regretted I did not detour to Switzerland.)
His reply – “I will courier it to them (Swiss postmen) to do so.”
*sigh* 3 years ago, I scattered my own son ashes. By now, I have no fear of death. It is actually a good thing. Living without the fear of dying makes me feel free.
I found these photos from my old files. I got a very serene look on my face. The yellow bag is the ashes.
My kids enjoyed a thrilling sampan ride out to the middle of the sea to scatter the ashes.
Ever wonder? Have you seen anyone who has funeral rites that is NOT religious based at all? I haven’t. If you do, tell me how it is performed? How does one deal with the body of a person who does not believe in anything? Do you remember the ‘Sembahyanglah, sebelum anda disembahyangkan’ signs found at mosques? A gentle reminder. (translated : Pray before you are being prayed over.)
Are you afraid of dying? Don’t answer. Don’t even think about it if it spooks you. This is my blog and this is my life. Life and death intertwined.