A twisted meme – By the imaginary 5xdad

Fuyoh, I waited for so long and finally Hijackqueen tag me! It is another meme started by the EFNTD silais like mott. You see, we all whole day sit down and do paid posts. But those are done at night when USA wakes up. During the day, after we finished washing the kids’ bum, digging our nose, 8poh a bit, we find something to amuse ourselves. Today, the meme is twisted. It is our 10 bad and annoying habits that we think our spouse detests. So, it will be written from the spouse’s view.

Here goes the imaginary 5xdad imaginary blog post about the real 5xmom:

1) She is always right and even when she is wrong, she still insist she is right in being wrong. Haih….I never listen to my mother, she said, don’t blindly fall for a woman without checking her out first. Love is blind mah, wutudooooo.

2) Asking her to help me read the map is like asking a blind man’s to do. In fact, blind man has better sense of direction because she even got lost while coming out of the toilet in MidValley. LOL, too bad, she found her way back to me. Ish, ish, ish! My wife now relies on my four years old son to give her direction to the car park.

3) She is one damn efficient woman but she will pretend not to see the mess in the house with the excuse that children are meant to pick their own mess as it is a life lesson they should learn. If my face grows dark, she will put on her Flash Gordon suit and do it within 10 minutes. Otherwise, things can grow mouldy and she still pretend not to see.

4) She asked the most inappropriate questions at the most inappropriate time. Like when I am about to open my mouth to eat her fiery Kari Kapitan, she asked “Do you love me”? Siao ah, want to choke me issit? At least wait until we finish eating, digested and gone to sleep mah. Then, I probably has time to think first and structure the sentence. In the dark, she won’t be able to tell if I mean it or just tok tok only.

5) She is the most cunning woman when come to spending money. She will pretend not to buy some RM2.99 things and ‘teh’ that she is trying to save the family money. Make her kesian self and said she will make do with Lux soap while looking sad. After she twisted my heart all into pulp, she will pretend to pass by one of those cosmetic counters with white couches (spells expen$sive) and stares forlonly. Then, I will get conned into spending RM1,000 on one of those creams. Or RM3K-RM6K on one of those gadgets like PC, laptop, camera, camera lens.

6) The scary part about my wife is she doesn’t nag. No. Other people’s wife including my mother-in-law nags. But this woman will get straight to the point and nail me. No warning, no trailers. Right on to the show. KABOOM! Hiroshima! Tsunami! Amargaddeon.

7) She spends a lot of time at her pink Vaio. Giggling and looking so silly. I don’t know she is writing paid post, watching porn or having online affair with some Swiss angmoh. Never mind, at least she leaves me alone with my EPL, badminton and droolsss….women tennis players with their pointy nipples. I think I shouldn’t complain.

8) She gets black face if she caught me staring at women’s boobs. Eventhough she wrote on her blog like she has a master degree, PhD of these human nature, she is one mean woman if the theory applies to me. Like that also can. She talks about men staring at women’s boobs as natural wor. Talk so big heart but me leh? I cannot do it wor.

9) She always, always leave the kids to me if they need to shit or pee when we are out. Her excuse is ‘not nice to bring boys into girls’ toilets, girls wee squatting so the floor on women’s toilets are always dirty and stinking while men can aim right into the urinal so the toilet is cleaner’. Four sons! I had to do it all. I hate her! She insisted she has a phobia of public toilets and only go to high class toilets to wee, wutudooo. Force me to drive at breakneck speed whenever we are out and she need to shit, at home.

10) She published my life (and the family) on her blog to be read by her readers. Now, I want to sit at home with my boxers also I am afraid. What if she accidentally point the camera at my balls rolling out when she intended to shoot how cute my toddler is? What if it goes on Youtube? I demand my privacy back!

Plus one more:

11) Most likely, she is going to MSN this link to me and then, aiyoyo….whole night she is going to look at me quizically if I had read it. But she refused to ask. And I also don’t want to tell.

– The End –

5xmom morphed back. I will think first who to tag, ok?

1) Giddy tigers

2) Mrs. Wuching!

3) Mrs. AhPek‘s Soh

4) Yvy‘s Ted

5) Superwoman mama23beas